Dear dairy,
Sometimes i do wish i did come second or somewhere at the last where nobody get to look up to me just me seeing a lot of people taking the lead while i follow. no stressing,troubles and even if i closed my eyes i'd get someone to lay on to show me the path and even if i made a mistake at the end of the day they 'd fine someone in front of me to race an eyebrow for.(too bad that's not my story maybe in the next life if there's any ).
In my own story am that kid whose sit was jammed faced the wall for trying to cheat and all i have is the wall, myself, the writing materials,God and no sit mate just bunch of classmate "looking up" to me. Jeez!!! this shoes use to come with some freebies like owning the remote whenever i was in the building or better still forcing every one to bed while i have the whole tv to myself,playing only the games i want to and of cause getting the fattest "spoils" of every meal. oh God can you please rewind that and leave it on slow mo' because maturity came too fast and took all that from me and even if i could still do all that i won't enjoy them anymore.
Now i literally live my life for them. i see, breath,eat,think,plan,pray for them.i go before hand to make every path smooth, am more like the test run product of the manufacturer so when error is made on me a better strategy is device to ensure that the aftermath follows suit.there's this constant reminder that keeps bugging for every step i take,every decision made and when am far from home heaven knows nursing mothers seriously has nothing on me(i have got babies who need more than milk to grow)
Hey don't get me wrong i have got the most wonderful siblings in the whole wide world and i love them with all that i have got they are the colors of my world but it gets tiring sometimes very frustrating especially when they don't see that all i do and all that i am is because of them which got me asking questions like why do i feel this way? can i just live like i don't have to play this role? is this one of those life commitments? a lots of questions with no answers but i'll stay strong leaning on the very words of God, knowing he sees me here pushing, knowing the plans he has for me and even though i don't understand half of what's happening right now, what am doing right now, i choose to trust him more than ever.
i will drop my pen here now thanks for always been here and for always providing a blank sheet to pour my heart on so until next time i remain
yours faithfully
pee.
